I remember a conversation I had.
Let's say it was with Bob.
Bob used to work on Wall Street.
He was (and is) a high performer and achieved great levels of success.
And he wanted more.
One day, he decided he wanted to quit Wall Street and work on a project he believed in for the rest of his life.
Fast forward 20 years and he is the CEO of his company that is doing remarkable work.
However, he was having a challenge in his work that was holding him back.
His challenge was that those around him never lived up to his expectations.
This challenge he had was getting in the way of his relationships, working with his employees, and hiring consultants.
Bob wanted to have better relationships with those around him.
This has been a challenge of his for many, many years.
After learning about what he wanted, one question to help him get there could be:
"Who would you have to be to create this future for yourself?"
Being someone who holds less expectations of others could be his answer.
This question can help someone live into where they want to be. It begins with seeing it.
In the work I do, I have found this phrase to be true: "What got you here won't get you there."
I have found this to be even more true for high performers. What has allowed someone to reach their level of success is what will hold them back from achieving their desired level of success.
For example, with Bob, his high expectations begin with himself.
He is someone who has completed 23 Ironman Triathlons. An Ironman Triathlon consists of a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bicycle ride and a marathon (26.22-mile run), raced in that order and without a break.
Bob's high expectations of himself got him to his current level of success and those same expectations will be the component that holds him back from reaching his next level of success.
If his version of success is feeling more calm, or more at peace, or content, he must be someone who changes his expectations to serve him and his wants better.
Other examples include:
The person who wants to lose weight must become someone who changes habits to lose weight.
The person who wants to become financially successful must become someone who changes the way they see their finances.
The person who wants more love in their life must become someone who changes how they see love and how they express it.
While this can seem simple, I am not referring to simply "doing something different to get what you want."
I am referring to changing an identity, or a way of being, to get what you want.
Being empowers doing.
These personal questions can be one step of living into a better future.
My personal example...
For me, knowing what got me here won't get me there, I have become someone who thinks less and does more.
I have had to become someone who slows down and accepts consciously.
My default responses can be to overthink, to be defiant, or to disagree or not allow something in my life.
This has led to thinking too much and holding myself back from getting what I want.
This has led me to being defiant with loved ones and not accepting who they are or what they are saying.
This has led me to disagreeing with what people say and as a result learning at a slower pace.
This has led me to not allowing love and support from others, even though at times I have needed it.
Learning to see who I am being, and learning to see where I am, accurately, can help me get to where I want to be.
After all, we can't move forward if we don't know where we stand.
The process of change looks like this:
Awareness. Effort. Intention.
You first give language to a behavior, habit, or feeling (awareness).
Then, you can put in the effort to change the intention.
It looks like this, told from Bob's vantage point:
1. To create this future for myself, I would have to be someone who holds less expectations of others (awareness).
2. When I find myself getting annoyed/frustrated/upset with someone who didn't meet my expectations, I remember to create the future I want I must be someone who holds less expectations of others (effort).
3. After going through the process in #2 a few times, I have become someone who intends to hold others to a more realistic expectation.
To live into a better version of ourselves, we must first see the possibility.
Who you must become to create the future you want can connect you to that possibility.
And then, it becomes a choice of effort.
Who must you become to create the future you want?
