When I didn’t understand this paradox, my life reflected it.
Instead of embracing the truth, I became a slave to one side of it.
Believing things were one-sided left me a victim to a lie that I created.
Overworked, stressed, anxious... to the point of physical issues (shortness of breath and eczema).
Note: that list didn't include lack of self-esteem and self-confidence in my vision (the mental side).
All in all, it was my fault, and a natural part of my growth.
After some experience, I finally put my finger on it.
It is the paradox of growth.
A paradox is an absurd or self-contradictory statement that when explained may be found to be true.
Growth is the process of becoming greater in quantity, size, extent, or intensity.
In the context of business, growth is increased revenue, more customers, more team members.
As an entrepreneur, you live 2 different realities: personal and business growth.
Both are similar, both connected, but there are very distinct differences that must be respected.
Personal growth is important because growth is life. Growing allows you to tackle the obstacles you traverse better over time. It requires intentional reflection. To some, “live and learn” doesn’t happen when time for reflection isn’t made to do the learning.
Personal growth happens at your own pace.
Sometimes, it is forced, sometimes it is desired.
Business growth is important because the business requires it. Without growth, the business can become stagnant and die. Specifically, customers need to be signing up faster than they’re leaving (vaguely stated, with a recurring subscription-based service).
As a result, entrepreneurs, when asked what they want, typically respond, “more _____.” (Insert your favorite variation: customers, growth, revenue, profit, employees, maybe awareness)
And, due to the nature of a business, the desire for more is strong.
As the seconds pass, the business runway gets eaten up, and “more” becomes very important. More money to extend the runway becomes the necessity.
The closer to the end of the runway, the more anxiety and fear begins to set in. More, more, more. Fast, fast, fast.
Do you see the split yet?
Personal growth is optional.
Business growth is an absolute necessity.
Now, pay close attention, there is more to this story...
Without understanding this paradox, you can became a slave to one side of this truth and it can steal you from the present moment.
It can steal your time.
The other side of the paradox
Now that you understand the “more” side of the equation for business growth, it’s time for the “enough” side.
Enough.
Something that is enough is adequate. Abundant. Sufficient. It’s full. Acceptable. It’s truly satisfying.
Notice that last synonym. Satisfying.
I’m going to bring another word into this conversation... which is important...
It’s shame.
As defined by shame researcher Brené Brown, shame is the intensely painful feeling that you are unworthy of love and belonging.
Another way of saying it: shame is the fear of disconnection from others.
Many entrepreneurs are driven by this subconscious illness.
Ok, let’s try this again: shame is thinking that you’re not enough.
Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, and eating disorders (Brené Brown).
All humans experience shame (minus sociopaths).
When the lines become blurred between personal growth and business growth, one can begin to believe that they are not enough (because their business is not enough).
How does this happen? It happens when young founders immerse and breathe their vision.
You see where I’m going with this?
When the lines get blurred between personal growth and business growth, you can fall victim to not being enough. That robs you of time.
Think about it: when you’re living life through binoculars, always looking down the road at “more,” you can’t really see what’s in front of you.
And that is the present moment.
That is right now.
That is this second.
This breath.
That relationship.
That family.
That friend.
That opportunity.
Yes, we get taken away from the present time because we become a slave to more.
Focus on not being enough and you fall victim to not being enough.
Why? Because we get what we focus on.
Imagine wanting to buy a car.
Let’s say it’s red.
Do you see more red cars? Yeah, that's called "heightened awareness."
Focus on abundance. Focus on leading with trust. Focus on gratitude.
This usually runs at the subconscious level, so this truth may not immediately resonate.
Listen, I’m not saying that more is bad. I’m saying it’s important that this paradox is respected.
There are moments to accept the present moment and fully experience it, and there are moments to put your “more” thinking cap on.
Either way, it should be done intentionally.
This is the paradox of growth.
It seems counterintuitive, but when explained, it makes sense.
When it is not understood and respected, undesirable things happen, because you’re not living consciously. You’re living through your subconscious.
Oh, and for the record, the only reason I can write these words with strong conviction is because I’ve lived it.
I struggled so much to make sure I did "enough" so that I was "enough."
I've read thousands of Twitter bios and after reading a bio with 9 different roles/titles from someone, I think, "One would be enough."
When this is not understood, entrepreneurs try to do too much and end up doing nothing well. The business dies because the entrepreneur is limited by their personal growth.
When I uncovered this paradox, it became clear, this reason for why I did what I did was not healthy.
And for the record, the human experience is a paradox.
There is a time to listen to others, and a time to listen to yourself.
There is a time to attach to the moment, and a time to detach.
There is a time to embrace, and a time to let go.
There is a time to help others, and a time to help yourself.
There is a time to build, and a time to listen.
There is a time to learn, and a time to do.
There is a time to accept, and a time to reject.
There is a time to settle, and a time not to settle.
There is a time to know that you’re enough, and a time to know that more is possible.
Oh, and while I’m at it...
Personal growth is not personal.
Matter-of-fact, personal growth has nothing to do with me. Or you.
It has everything to do with the people you affect. It has to do with your legacy.
Your legacy is your value to humanity.
It has to do with how you treat your family. Your friends. Your unborn kids (if you choose to have them).
Wait, forget all that. Let's go deeper.
It has to do with your great great great grandchildren that you may never meet.
Personal growth is about dealing with your "stuff."
It's about understanding how your story has affected the way you experience life.
When we don't deal with our "stuff," we subconsciously share it with others. Sure, it's not our intention to hurt others, or share our pain, or our insecurities, or our shame, or our anger, or our doubt. But it happens when we don’t evolve consciously.
It's simple: What we don't transcend we transmit.
Why? For humanity. For legacy.
We are a connected species and to thrive together we must strengthen connection to ourselves in order to strengthen connection to others.
We all walk around this world projecting who we are onto others. That projection is either healthy or it is not. Healthy projections lead to better connection with self, within the mind, and with others.
Do it for your family, friends, employees, and for your great grandchildren.
You may think you're self-aware and have free will to do as you please but the reality is you’re made up of habits. Thought patterns. Cycles. Connections. (Just like me)
I've heard dozens of stories of abuse, rape, shame, anger, addiction, and the like (many times accompanied by stories of moving past these struggles). Until we deal with this stuff, the next generation may deal with it, and on and on and on. I don't think anyone wants that.
The trick is living your legacy versus allowing others to write it for you.
And that takes effort.
Cycles get broken with personal growth.
The more transparent we are with one another, the greater we will be able to grow together.
The result of understanding this paradox is understanding how to grow.
Respect this paradox.
Living on one-side of the paradox is neither good, nor bad, it simply is. How do you want to live?
I share this so when you’re 80 years old you won’t be wondering what happened to time because you knew how to live.
Understand that living out this paradox proactively is a muscle.
Know that an effective CEO masters their psychology.
When you hear people speak who are ill-informed, inform them.
This paradox is a virus that kills moments if not respected.
Surround yourself with people who use language that respects this paradox.
People who affirm you, listen to you, and support you, but don't drag you forward in shame.
According to dictionary.com, growing is an adjective, and it means “having or showing life.”
Have life.
Because when you have life, you inspire life.
And I believe the world needs more of that.
