“I must keep going,” I tell myself.
“I must keep pushing forward,” I repeat.
First business, a new startup project, next business, failed idea, next failed idea, fail again, traction now, can’t stop, years pass...
So much to do. Clock ticking. No friends understand. Only other business owners, founders, and CEOs.
“Calm down,” I tell myself. I then gasp for air.
First, I was fighting for an idea.
Then, I was fighting to solve a problem.
Then, I was fighting to solve a problem with a full-time team.
Long hours. Restless nights. Check phone, any new e-mail messages?
Up at 3am. Mind racing. Thoughts moving so fast I can’t hold onto them.
Time to wake up.
I don’t want to get out of bed. But, I must. If not for me, for my dream, for my team, for the families of my team...
The snowball is too big to stop.
Strange, this scar on my leg from mountain biking a few months back isn’t healing. Also, I’m gasping for air more often now. Whatever, it’ll be fine.
“Keep pushing,” I tell myself.
More uncertainty.
Limited runway.
Clock ticking.
“No, I can’t have lunch or coffee or meet with anyone,” I tell myself.
I need to focus.
Everything I do must serve my dream. It must align with my focus.
No time to exercise. No time to meditate. Who has time for this?
I know, I know, it’s probably good for me. Whatever.
Time to create content. Write. Repeat. Check in with team to see how everyone is doing.
Make time to lead.
Check bank account.
Strange, this scar on my leg is still not healing. Also, I never went to the doctor for my sprained ankle. No time. Also, I have this skin condition and it seems to be spreading.
I should probably see a doctor.
Ok, I surrender, doctor appointment scheduled.
Turns out this scab isn’t healing because of my skin condition, also known as eczema. Doctor says my eczema takes over any scabs I have which explains why my scab from mountain biking isn’t healing itself.
Wait, what?
You mean to tell me my body isn’t healing itself?
What? Eczema is linked to stress?
Oh, and that gasping for air habit of mine... I seem to be doing that much more frequently. Oh, that’s also linked to stress.
Something has to change.
How I learned about the biological value of people
In my past all-or-nothing mentality, and in my way of learning and discovering the world, I have went to extremes during periods of intense focus on my business over the years. I have blocked off my calendar from all contact from friends or family so that I could focus. I'd spend weeks with little human contact other than a business partner.
Fast forward to a moment in time a while back. I found myself sitting in a group of high performers from various industries. There were 16 of us total and I had just finished sharing about the stress I was experiencing.
The leader of the group took pause to have us watch a TED talk on stress.
I thought, “I’ve seen this one, but it’ll be good for the group.”
The TEDx talk uncovers research that shows the effects of stress. It shows that what we believe about stress affects the way we experience it.
Believe stress is bad for you and stress will be bad for you.
Believe stress is good for you and stress will be good for you (and you’ll live longer).
However, this time we watched it, I learned something new.
I learned that physical contact with other people and meaningful conversation releases oxytocin in the body. Oxytocin helps to reduce stress in the body (and build trust).
Mind. Blown.
Those were the 2 things I avoided in the past in the name of “focus.” I learned about the biological value that people provide. (I now give out more hugs)
The stories go on and on
I have learned to listen when my body is trying to tell me something.
I have surrendered.
I have surrendered to myself.
I have surrendered to my body. My biology. My blind spots.
I have surrendered to my humanity.
I have surrendered to a deep understanding that I need others and that I need to take care of myself. Meditation, nightly walks, regular mountain biking, hiking, periods of being calm, reading, and journaling, all make up my routine.
My health is about being at my best so that I can have the best impact on others. Since I exist to inspire legacy, it is with conviction of personal experience and understanding our brain neurology that I optimize my energy.
Know your indicators
The more I learn about myself, the more I know the indicators and can create habits out of knowing when to slow down.
Too many Chrome tabs, checking e-mail or social media too often, eczema, gasping for air, and trouble sleeping, are all indicators that I need to change something so I can best manage my energy and my psychology.
What do you need to surrender?
What is it?
For me, it was a surrender to my body. Maybe that's not for you, though.
Maybe you need to surrender to overcontrolling tendencies.
Maybe you need to surrender to perfection.
Maybe you need to surrender to the idea that you are not your business.
Maybe you need to loosen up on your team (so they'll actually help you).
Maybe you need to be vulnerable to create an innovative culture.
Maybe you need to deal with deep feelings of shame that drive you.
Maybe you need to overcome your insecurities.
Maybe you need to unpack your impostor syndrome.
Maybe you need to find founder/business fit and align your life.
What does it take to surrender?
I share my above story and I often wonder, “What does it take to surrender?” I’ve asked that of myself and I’ve asked that of others.
When a friend told me he lost 50 pounds, I asked why, and I learned he was diagnosed with diabetes.
When another friend told me he lost over 100 pounds, I asked why, and I learned that the doctor told him if he didn’t take care of his health he won’t see his kids grow up.
What will it take?
What will it take you?
I see this trap often with entrepreneurs and founders/CEOs.
When we allow ourselves to get fixated on an idea, in the external world, we can lose sight of the internal world.
In the movie Inception, Leonardo DiCaprio says that the most resilient parasite is an idea. “Resilient, highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate.”
Entrepreneurs know this. It must be felt to be understood.
Great entrepreneurs know how to detach from their ideas.
Trying too hard to manifest an idea in the external world can limit perspective.
Never forget: Your internal world powers your external world.
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