I have heard nearly everyone misuse this word.
I’ve heard CEOs and entrepreneurs and leaders misuse this word.
I’ve heard influencers who command the attention of thousands misuse this word.
I’ve heard writers and speakers and podcasters and artists and creatives and nearly everyone misuse this word.
I used to misuse it, too.
When I changed my language, I began to see positive side effects.
Looking back on my old self, the negative side effects were clear.
The word is simple. Powerful. 3 letters.
Y-o-u.
“You”
That is it. That is the word.
Before I continue
I am not writing this to judge or criticize or blame or point fingers.
I am writing this to acknowledge a truth that I rarely hear spoken. A truth that I learned that changed who I am.
I have shared this before privately and I want to acknowledge that it is easy to disagree with me. It is easy to push back. It is easy to explain why people use the word “you” in a way I am about to describe. It is ok, defense mechanisms may win. My default response to life used to be to resist. It served me until I became aware of how it held me back.
I am sharing this to create insight to strengthen self-awareness.
When I was unaware
I used to share updates on Facebook or other social media channels and use the second person, “you.” I was telling people what I was telling myself. Instead of sharing updates in the first person, though, I wrote in the second person.
I have shared stories of my life with others (offline) and I did the same thing. Instead of speaking in the first person, I have used the word “you.”
I would start phrases like this, for example: “You are going to experience...”
I hear other people use “you” in phrases like this, “You know you’re successful when...”
“You will doubt yourself...”
Etc.
What I was doing was using “you” as a replacement for “I.”
Instead of speaking over my life, I was projecting my life onto everyone around me.
I was putting other people in my shoes using the word “you” when I told stories.
Looking back on my younger self, I ask this question: “What did I get out of doing this?”
Well, the answer to me seems simple now. I was disconnecting myself from myself through words.
Yes, I said, “disconnecting myself from myself.”
I was detaching myself from who I was.
Instead of owning who I was, and owning my stories, I put you in my shoes.
Disconnecting myself from myself in my language left me powerless, insecure, and lacking.
It left me powerless because I was giving my power away to the person I was speaking to, not to myself.
It left me insecure because I was not speaking over the thing I had power over, which is only myself.
I believe our language reflects our internal reality. Our external reality is powered by our internal reality. When I did not understand where my power lives, I didn’t understand what I had power over.
Let’s clarify "you"
Let’s get on the same page with how dictionary.com defines “you.” As a noun, here are two definitions:
1. “something or someone closely identified with or resembling the person addressed”
2. “the nature or character of the person addressed”
When we, as humans, use the word “you” we connect with someone else.
This is a powerful connection.
We are connecting ourselves to another human through our words. The question then becomes, what reality are we connecting someone to? Often, when I see others do this, the reality is not one of strength and power. It is weak, insecure, and powerless.
Once again, I say these words not to be critical or judgmental. I say them because this was my reality. This was me. This was my old self that I allowed to be destroyed.
Destructive ways we use “you”
When we are not aware of our language, we may connect someone to our reality unknowingly. This is what I did when I was unaware. This is toxic because, when the receiver is unaware, they can accept our connection as truth.
When the receiver of our words is unaware, they can accept our connection as reality.
For example, here’s a common toxic inner narrative I see among entrepreneurs. “Entrepreneurship is an emotional roller coaster with high highs and low lows. You will doubt yourself, you will have hardships, you will struggle, you will probably fail.”
If you read or hear these words from a speaker, let me remind you what is happening.
When we do this, we project our reality onto someone else. Whoever speaks these words is sharing their reality of entrepreneurship. This speaker’s internal reality is made up of their own unique biology, and beliefs, and values, and habits, and experiences.
Left unexamined, a certain combination of projections from weak inner narratives can lead to pain, suffering, struggle, and unhealthy coping mechanisms or even suicide.
Powerful ways we use “you”
When we are powerful within, and when we harness that power, we can project that power. We can project strength.
When we are connected with our own power, we understand how we can connect others to what is powerful.
Maybe we connect someone to love.
Maybe we connect someone to what we see in them that they are trying to express.
Maybe we connect someone to a strong way of being.
When we are powerful
When we are powerful, we understand that everything we hear and see is a projection from another human.
In these projections we can find global truth that strengthens us, and we can find unhealthy projections that weaken us.
When we are powerful, we honor and respect these projections and realities we each live.
When we are powerful, we understand our responsibility to ponder the stories we tell ourselves and what we get from our stories.
As humans, we get something from the way we speak and the way we use our words.
Powerless language reaffirms our inner narrative that we believe we are powerless and cannot affect change.
Powerful language reaffirms that we are powerful and can affect change, in our own lives, and in others.
When we are powerful, we connect with our power.
Powerful language connects us with who we are.
When we hear others use “you,” we have a decision to make.
We either decide to proactively accept or reject or reactively accept or reject.
This is why I believe self-awareness is powerful.
Self-awareness connects us with the being that powers us.
In life, we have two ways we can live. We can allow ourselves to be who we have been, or we can become what we want to become.
The former is determined by the past.
The latter is created for the future.
Which life will you lead?
What will you project onto others?
What will you become?
