The alarm went off at 5am.
I was headed to co-work with a friend nearby for the day.
I packed my laptop and gear in my backpack the night before and was ready to go.
Since I wear glasses often, the room was blurry when I woke up.
I remember looking for my glasses and when I put them on, the room became immediately clear.
I continued about my day with the ability to see clearly.
Glasses can be like beliefs. They help us see clearly. They give us a lens to how we experience life.
When I wasn’t aware of my beliefs, I didn’t see how they were impacting me.
There was a time when life was not clear. There was a time for me when it was difficult to see.
It was like I was a car, and the windshield wipers were broke, and it was raining hard. I couldn’t see outside of my car because I didn’t have the tools, or strong beliefs, to clean the window and allow me to see.
Driving a car in heavy rain without windshield wipers left me getting in many accidents.
I was driving on the freeway in my fast paced life and I was getting in accidents because I couldn’t see. I was bumping into other cars, bumping into the center divider, and driving recklessly (unintentionally).
Accidents, with unexamined beliefs, left me getting hurt by others, frustrated, feeling inadequate, a perfectionist, and more.
I didn’t know when I was younger. Nobody told me these things.
Eventually, I learned how to fix my windshield wipers so I could drive in the rain. My car became clean and the accidents minimized.
This car analogy is symbolic of how changing beliefs can impact us.
Beliefs help us see and they affect the way we experience life.
Sometimes, the wrong beliefs can be much more damaging and hurtful. We could be hurting ourselves, and others, and not know it.
What I am about to say is extreme. I am going to paint a painful image in your mind.
Damaging beliefs, or weak beliefs, can leave us walking around with knives stuck into us.
Walking around. Bleeding. In pain.
Visually, that sounds painful. And it is.
Damaging and weak beliefs can create pain.
The worst part is that without introspection, or the ability to observe our mental processes (and resulting habits), we may never see how we create our own pain.
DISCLAIMER: If you invest in yourself and take the time to understand this article, it may change your reality. You have been warned.
Let’s get clear on what beliefs are
Google says a belief is “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.”
Google also says a belief is “something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion or conviction.”
Wikipedia says a belief is “a mental representation... a sentient being's attitude toward the likelihood or truth of something. In Greek, two different concepts are often represented by the concept of belief: Pistis and Doxa. Simplified we may say that the first deals in trust and confidence, the latter in opinion and acceptance.”
To simplify a belief even further, a belief is a type of idea.
An idea, according to dictionary.com, is “any concept existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding, awareness, or activity.” In philosophy, an idea is a “concept developed by the mind.”
A belief is simply a type of idea that lives within your mind. Awareness, that's all it is.
We are a human species and every person has thousands of different beliefs. Every person has thousands of different ways of seeing the world.
That’s it. Nothing more. Awareness.
A belief is any concept developed by your mind that says, “this is what reality is.” This is how life is. This is what it means to love someone. This is what it means to struggle. This is what it means to be human. The answer to all of these statements results in different beliefs.
A belief is what you have defined, knowingly or not, about life.
Let’s go deeper...
I am using the English language, created by the human species, to explain the foundation that we have as human beings. Our foundation is made up of our beliefs about life.
Example beliefs
Beliefs can be simple and they can be complex.
Beliefs can have a small impact in your life or they can greatly hold you back.
“The sky is blue” is a belief.
You might read this and think, “No, that’s not a belief, the sky actually is blue.”
Wrong.
Again, our human species created language. We defined our own reality.
We defined what blue looks like.
Sure, it may be a commonly held belief, but it’s a belief nonetheless.
“Life is a struggle” is another belief.
“I’m not good enough” is a belief.
“I’m a fraud” is a belief.
"Time is money" is a belief.
"There is not enough time in the day" is a belief.
Imagine the doctor named Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes who, in 1843, decided that something was wrong and decided to investigate. Through his research and investigation, he eventually concluded and believed that hand washing could prevent childhood fever in women. Specifically, he found that doctors were not washing their hands during childbirth and passing a disease to women (which resulted in up to 25% of death in women during childhood in the 19th century).
This is a real story.
This was about one person’s change in belief based off his studies and findings.
His change in belief went against the belief that washing hands was not related to death in women during pregnancy.
Guess what happened?
He was fighting “reality.” He was a fighting common belief at the time. He was turned down, denied, and critics tore him apart. It took decades for people to finally accept his belief.
Not all beliefs are life and death, although some beliefs help us live and some help us die.
It may be easy as an outsider to see something like this today and think, “well, of course, doctors not washing their hands can cause death during childbirth (or even in the ER).” But this wasn’t always the case.
It’s even more difficult to look at your own beliefs objectively and unpack them to see how they serve you and how they don’t (but it can be done). Often, when you’re close to your own reality, it may be difficult to understand how your beliefs impact your reality.
A belief is common language we accept. It’s the reality we connect ourselves to, knowingly or not.
The more you learn how to listen for beliefs, you will begin to see the root of many statements and the beliefs underneath them.
How we learn beliefs
Simple.
Childhood.
Parents.
School.
Movies.
Books.
Music.
Advertisements.
The “status quo.”
Life experiences.
Etc.
Need I say more?
The importance of beliefs
Beliefs are important because they shape your world. First internally, then externally. If you have not invested in yourself to change a belief and see how it’s affected your life, you will not fully understand this concept.
Beliefs give us predictability and consistency. They give us a stable environment to live in (within the mind).
Beliefs can prevent us from seeing accurately and they can cause pain. Or they can strengthen us.
I remember a story from a waitress at a restaurant. She was describing how she ate very fast. This was something she learned growing up. Everyone in her family ate fast, it's all she knew, she thought it was normal. She eventually realized how fast she ate compared to her friends. She learned how her childhood experiences affected her way of being. This is not good or bad, it was her experience of life. Underlying eating fast is a belief, knowingly or not. I know when I have eaten fast I had limited time. Underlying that is the belief that I didn’t have “enough time in the day” (which was an old belief of mine).
Would you allow a 5-year-old to build their home from scratch for their entire life? No, that’s foolish. A 5-year-old does not understand weather, what rain or heat will do to a home structure, how to properly re-enforce a home, how to build out plumbing for running water, or what types of threats they can protect themselves from.
Yet, many of us do this. I did this. I had to die and learn how to breathe again to live better.
Old beliefs I had were all of the following...
“I’m not good enough.”
“I am afraid.”
“I am affected by the world.”
“I have to prove myself.”
Because I’ve lived it, experienced it, and seen it, I see how internal beliefs create tension and how it leads to addiction and depression (and often pain and other things).
This is about self-awareness. That’s all it is.
And listen, I get where these habits come from, too. I used to be stubborn and read articles like this and think, “well, that’s not me.” I was protecting my insecurity which is a habit I created in my childhood.
Some beliefs strengthen us.
Because I believe I am doing the best I can, with what I have, with what I’ve been given, in every moment, I create strength for myself.
Some beliefs weaken us.
If I believed (which I don’t) in blind spots within my own way of being, then I would give power to a blind spot and unexamined areas of my life. To be clear, I am not saying I know everything, I am always learning. I am saying that I don’t believe I have a blind spot.
Some beliefs are powerful.
The common belief of gravity is powerful because it is universal on earth. To fight gravity would be unwise.
Because I believe I create my own reality, I believe I am responsible for my reality, and I believe I can shape it. That empowers me and it empowers the way I experience life.
My deepest sense of identity is as a human being. Not an “entrepreneur” or “CEO” or “Introspective Agent.” Sure, I say I am an Introspective Agent when necessary, but deep down I know I am human and I act like it. (Underlying this statement of mine are beliefs I have created around what it means to "be human.") A human in a species of ~7 billion other humans figuring out this thing we call life. Few things offend me because I see everyone the same way... another human.
To be clear, beliefs have absolutely nothing to do with good or bad. This is not about good or bad. Good or bad will negatively affect your judgment and create resistance. We are not being critical of beliefs, we are examining them.
I believe there is no such thing as reality. I believe there is only our perception of reality. Until we can understand our perception, we cannot understand our reality. When we cannot understand our reality, we cannot change it.
I believe that HX, or the human experience, is about connection. Beliefs are the foundation of our connections. Beliefs are our individual truth.
Why it may be difficult to change beliefs
When we live with the fear of disconnection from others, we often associate our identity with everything we do.
Common patterns I have observed with people who live with this fear of disconnection can be creatives, artists, chefs, musicians, perfectionists, high achievers, comedians, high performers, overconfident people, and entrepreneurs.
When we live with the fear of disconnection (often associated with low self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth), we attach our identity with the things we do and we live in survival mode. When we do this, it’s not about honoring and changing our beliefs, it’s about changing our identity. It’s about changing our foundation. That transformation, although powerful, can involve a great deal of pain due to the self-inflicted fear. I know, I used to live this way.
When we honor beliefs for what they are, merely ideas within the human mind, we can wisely discuss them and how they serve us.
This is difficult when we identify with our beliefs because we’re talking about changing identity and that creates tension.
Sometimes, beliefs get evolved from powerful life experiences.
When I fell asleep at the wheel and woke up to a shattered window and blood on my ear because I drove into the center divider, my belief around death became exposed and had less power over me.
That’s a hard lesson to learn. Sometimes, when we live with a strong fear of disconnection from others, it’s the only way we can learn.
That’s not a way of life I believe in. I believe in learning from one another, sharing with one another, vulnerably and powerfully.
I don’t believe in everyone having to trip over themselves to learn how to change beliefs.
The extremes of changing beliefs
Everything I write about and share with others on powerful introspective calls are methods I have experimented with on myself.
I have played life on the extremes.
From non-stop travel and novelty for 5 months to a having the same routine every day for 5 months.
From having hundreds of friends and dozens of social circles, to having a few deep relationships with friends, to living in a new area and spending weeks alone.
I have created a reality of certainty for myself and when I made that reality certain, I became afraid of changing it. That left me rigid and eventually I broke. I learned how to be fluid.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have changed beliefs too much. I have changed the way I thought about reality based off what others would say. I would hear something from others, believe it, see how life felt with that belief, and either I’d keep it or disregard it. Sometimes I’d talk to people older than myself to hear their opinions on these beliefs (although, I have learned, age has nothing to do with strong or weak versions of reality and beliefs).
How to unpack beliefs
Instead of changing beliefs too infrequent or too often, be introspective.
Spend time to reflect and raise your self-awareness to understand what is causing you to feel the way you are feeling.
Ask yourself this question, “What do I get out of this?” This behavior, this action, this feeling.
I remember I sent a friend a text message when he couldn’t participate in an activity and he seemed to feel bad. I responded and I said, “Don’t worry about it.” I was telling him not to worry about it because I wanted to make sure he felt good about himself and didn’t beat himself up over something small. I’ve since stopped telling people how to feel or think (usually).
In the beginning of this article I shared how beliefs are like prescription glasses. They help us see.
Unpacking beliefs is about taking off our glasses, or our views about reality, and asking ourselves how it affects us, how it affects others, and how it makes us feel.
When I was weak, I allowed myself to be a victim to the English language. For example, I thought in terms of my material possessions and the things I “owned.” I stopped viewing things around me as things I owned because by doing that I’m connecting myself to them. Instead, the materials or toys or gadgets in my life are tools that serve me in alignment with a greater vision I have for my life. When I viewed things I had as things I owned, then I created my feeling of pain when I lost them. Now, since I see them as borrowed and impermanent, I feel less pain because I cannot lose what I do not own. (This same belief can be applied to people, too). Our beliefs are what create our sense of loss.
Understand how we protect and project our beliefs
The more you raise your awareness to beliefs, the more you will see them in the wild.
You will see how others protect their beliefs. Sometimes, they’ll even die for it.
I wonder what would happen if we honored the belief for what it was, a type of idea within the mind, and allowed ourselves to examine it (like a new wardrobe).
The more you know about yourself, the more you’ll be able to know about others.
The more you understand how you protect your beliefs, the more you’ll understand how others protect their beliefs.
The more you understand how you project your beliefs, the more you’ll understand how others project their beliefs.
For instance, imagine someone walks up to you and starts laughing at your purple skin. Of course, your skin is not purple (I hope), and it becomes immediately obvious that the person who is saying this has something "off" with their perspective (or it seems).
You brush it off, no big deal. It’s not you, it’s the other person.
This is an obvious example.
Now, imagine the customer who says how your service or product in your company was not enough and it frustrates you. You become angry and try to dispute things with the client.
You think the problem is the other person but you don’t realize your unexamined belief from childhood that you never thought you were enough. And that hurts. That’s painful. Instead of examining that pain, you’ve spent your whole life running from it. Customers complains about your product/service, you get frustrated, and the cycle repeats itself until examined (if ever).
It’s a type of idea, a belief of how you see the world, that’s all it is.
The power of understanding your beliefs
Beliefs influence you.
They shape your world in a powerful way. If this doesn’t immediately resonate with you in a profound way, it’s possible what I am saying is not being understood and has not been experienced.
The problem with “commonly held beliefs” is that they may not always serve you. The more you understand what commonly held beliefs you have, the more you can change your foundation to serve you better.
Choose beliefs that are rooted in trust, not fear. Trust empowers legacy.
Choose beliefs based off patterns, not single experiences. I remember someone I met from a Japanese dinner (one of those places where they cook in front of you). I met a stranger, who was deathly afraid of surfing. When I curiously engaged him, I learned he watched Shark Week on TV (stories about shark attacks in the ocean). A painful story from Shark Week left him fearful of sharks. Him, and his son, may never experience surfing due to one story that planted a belief. This is not good or bad, until we realize we're not living because we've allowed the fear to consume us.
When you know what beliefs you want, learn how to change the stories you tell yourself.
Thanks to the Internet, our connected humanity is more collaborative with information more accessible than ever before. This newfound sense of awareness and collaborative environment is leading us to wanting to decide for ourselves and to define our own beliefs. The trick lives within the power of the beliefs we choose.
